“I’ve been at this for 40 years; you’d think I’d get it by now…”
A couple of days later another new client said to me in frustration, “I’ve been at this for 15 years and am still dealing with this!?!?!?”
And just a few days ago, yet another voiced, “But I’ve been at this for 30 years!”
To the human mind, doing anything for these lengths of time typically would lead to some sort of mastery — but this is not always so in matters of healing and spiritual growth.
So much of the currently practiced healing and spiritual growth work is geared toward clearing physical, emotional and energetic blockages, and also in realizing personal power. And therein lies Paradox Number One: physical, emotional and energetic blockages can’t be cleared! The mind, and of course many self-help books and gurus, will tell you that these blockages can be cleared. That is spiritual rhetoric that will keep you miserable.
Why can’t these blockages be cleared energetically?
Because clearing physical, emotional and energetic blockages is a euphemism for trying to clear a lack of self-love, and a lack of self-love is malware that is typically downloaded and installed at a very tender age.
This lack of self-love is so common that it is seemingly inherent and unavoidable, but is actually created as an end result of the true original sin: the sense of being disconnected from the Source. This original separation creates an emotional void that we often spend the rest of our lives trying to fill with thoughts, words, and actions that do not truly fill the wound. These consciously and unconsciously chosen weapons of mass distraction appear to be helpful, but they merely divert attention away from the best path to fill that void. Distractions range from the perceived positive — such as healing others, studying texts, philanthropy, and overachieving — to the perceived negative — for example too much time online, drugs & alcohol, or an overindulgence in physical pleasures such as eating.
Trying to actively clear a lack of self-love is perfectionism made manifest and an inevitable disappointment. No matter how much work you do, at least one of your 60 to 90 trillion cells will still believe you’re unworthy — at least until the time you no longer fully believe this. But that gift of enlightenment is something that happens rather than something that is achieved. Until then, it is better to integrate that awareness,
Can you embrace a lack of self-love as just another part of the self? Can you honor the existence of whatever it is you've been using to cope with the pain, and trust in divine timing rather than trying to clear a lack of self-love from your existence? What you chase, runs.
As far as winning the game of self-love, just when you think you have the upper hand, resistance (ego) rears its ugly head. We tell ourselves how wonderful we are and also how awful we are. I recall being invited to share the 5,000-seat lecture bill with Deepak Chopra at the Javitz Center in NYC. I was honored to be asked and thought, “Yes! I finally made it after all my hard work!” Yet there on stage in front of thousands was this personal voice (ego) that yakked away during my talk, “You’re no good; you have no right being here.” I even heard myself ask, “Why did you wear those shoes?!?!”
A lack of self-love can only be healed with the ultimate spiritual practice — love.
I invite you to question the definition of “self.’ Without the Creator, there is no self, so the self is interdependent. Knowing this, the egoic expectation of reversing self-love issues with things that don’t really work begins to fade. Whether on our own (very difficult considering it is our own selves that got us there) or with a practitioner, we finally open to the Source of all healing.
Paradox Number Two: “Personal power’ is an oxymoron; it’s an ego sandwich wrapped in a spiritual burrito. It is the conditioned mind’s idea of what strength is.
Personal power is an illusionary place we spend years and countless dollars to get to in an attempt to avoid feeling out of control. It’s OCD cloaked in spiritual goodness.
In doing healing work, for example, personal power says, “I am the one doing the healing.” Having been there and having no clients, I can share with you there is a major difference between personal power and spiritual power. I used to overcharge because I thought it was I doing the work and needed to be compensated for that. I didn’t willingly share even though I had lots to offer. After several years of painful and humbling lessons, I realized true power is listening to the soul’s desires. And on a soul level, all worth is inherently equal as there is no better or worse in the eyes of the Creator. On a soul level, saving lives as a medical doctor isn’t any different from asking, “Would you like fries with that?’
I had this confirmed by offering a sliding scale for my sessions. I can now be paid with what a client believes is an equal energy exchange (money is energy, too, right?). My growth has been in getting over my mind’s ideas that — relative to others who have been trying their best to help these same people unsuccessfully — what I do is so awesome that I should be paid multiple hundreds if not thousands per session. But that idea would leave me with few people who can afford my services. I am reminded at least weekly how grateful others are for the sliding scale, for without such they say they’d never be able to afford working with me, and therefore would still be dealing with what they’ve already spent thousands of dollars and many years trying to heal. Contrary to the dream scenario of so many business coaches, I believe I am more in alignment with my soul — and by nature more useful — by helping more people for less money per session (if need be) than by working with less people for more money per session.
Personal power is fear based. Spiritual power is love based. Spiritual power is an expression of a connectedness that is in alignment with the soul’s greater awareness. Soul-inspired work — even if perceived difficult by the mind — invokes a type of strength that is also flexible to learning, experiencing, and realizing divine will.
No matter what’s happening on the outside, the soul is having the time of its life!
The soul has a mission to experience the all — even what we label as “bad” or at minimum, “unwanted.” Whatever hasn’t yet been experienced will be on the present or future itinerary. These occurrences can take minutes or centuries, so why does the human mind create a rush?
The rush I’ve seen more than not is our own desire to be healthy and happy at all costs or to achieve various plateaus — or worse, to attain these within human-created timelines.
Your soul has likely been here many times before, and this particular existence is but a blip on that map. The soul has its agenda and we have ours — and misery is the distance between them.
I get the desire and the attractions. But we have to realize that when your rent is due, quoting Buddhist texts about everything being an illusion to your landlord isn’t going to be helpful. Debating the quantum field of pure potentiality with like minds at yoga class will not guarantee you a clean bill of health. And following the law of attraction, even if it’s worked for you dozens of times prior, does not guarantee any results in this moment of now.
Each moment is different. Every situation has its own parameters. And we are different in every second as well. Because we’ve been on the path for decades does not mean we are guaranteed anything. And just because you have a God-given talent doesn't mean that the Universe owes you a way to make a living using it.
Each moment is a gift and any time spent in expectation rather than gratitude is a gift still yet unwrapped. Underneath the wrapping paper is the truth that we did nothing to deserve anything, much less life itself.
Life has ups and downs. It’s unavoidable. Michael Brown suffered years of debilitating pain and even wrote a book on how to heal from such, describing his path in detail. And just when he thought he was in the clear, new pains arose. What had worked so well needed adjustments. Walt Disney lost his investors’ money several times over — he too had to adjust his plans. I’ve lectured with some of the biggest names in the business and still pondered working for Whole Foods several times.
The Borg and Darwin Agree: We Must Adapt
Human evolution happens over many centuries and mirrors our personal journey in this lifetime. The successful ones can adapt to new situations. They (we?) learn as we go, knowing each moment is new and may require different tools or guides to help us through.
It’s difficult to clearly see our own blind spots. And it’s even more difficult to ask for help from a friend or a practitioner. To that end, I fully honor the courage my clients display when they reach out for help. I don’t take that lightly, and over the last few years I’ve been blessed to be able to attract people who truly want to make a shift. They do the work it takes and they come to me open to experiencing what needs to happen in order to get to the next level. They intuitively know that I’ll tell them what Source says is needed in the moment. But thinking you will heal just because you’ve been at it for so long can be the exact block in need of extraction.
No matter how good you feel your connection to Spirit is, it’s totally okay to ask for help along the way. Humility goes a long way! But get ready for the ego’s response to your commitments. Much forward motion is met with resistance. Expansion is met with constriction. A quality guide can hold the space making the transition easier and help you break through the walls of resistance.
Try embracing the resistance and the emotional rollercoaster as if it were a heart rate monitor; ups and downs will happen a lot, and that’s a good thing. If you seek balance, strive for predictability, or expect what you want to be handed to you because you’ve been playing the spiritual game for what the mind perceives as enough time, you’ll flat line.